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It also depends why the guy doesn’t want to label himself – there’s a big difference between eschewing norms as a form of self-expression and hiding who you are to manipulate the advantages available to you as a straight person.James identifies as gay, but his first proper relationship was with a man who did not.But if you’re in a down-low relationship with a straight guy, you can find yourself going backwards.James continues: “When we spent time together, generally indoors, everything was happy.“The whole time he wasn’t comfortable holding hands or kissing outside.” Even though PDAs were kept to a minimum, it didn’t take long for word to get out.
“The first year was strictly a bedroom thing,” he tells me.
What does it mean to put a label on your sexuality, to assign a category to your own existence? Does it result from your actions, or how you feel inside?
There’s no denying labels can be very important, to help people forge a sense of identity in a world where they may feel more marginalised – every letter in the growing LGBTQIA alphabet has fought for and earned its place.
Although coming out is a huge part of your life as an LGBTQ person and can be a liberating experience, it’s not for everyone, and some men are rejecting this what you embrace their label but have sex with guys who don’t?
Does it mean their lovers are any less available to them because they won’t pick a side?